Pacing and Pauses

There’s a wanky old bag of bullshittery that often comes in discussions about jazz music with mop heads. Some nob stretch once said ‘the greatness of the jazz musician is the notes he doesn’t play’ and a load of dick stretches since then repeat it, thinking they sound like they know what they are talking about. What a load of crap. It just sounds thoughtful and mysterious, so people repeat it because they think jazz is this really intellectual art form. It’s not. It’s just fucking great music played by top drawer musicians but there is nothing highbrow about it. It’s just fucking great to drive fast to. Especially Django Rheinhardt. Driving round the Andalucian roads at speed with the roof down, your girl dressed like Audrey sitting beside you, listening to Django, is one of life’s top drawer moments. A bida bida bida a bom bom bom bad a dam dam dom dibba dibba dibba dibba dabba doo doo doop… and so on.

But in a pickup – a lot of value can be demonstrated in what you don’t say, when you don’t say, what you omit, etc. For example, we’ve all heard it said many times that if someone asks what you do for a living, if your answer is casual and doesn’t go into too much detail, then it leaves them guessing. Personally, I prefer to play it straight, as I demonstrate in my infields, I just go honest and let them know what they want. I rely on eye contact, body language and smiles to make up for what I surrender in terms of mystery. There’s no right or wrong answer. Just personal preference.

I’m not sure I heard too much about pauses though. The pauses are absolutely crucial. One of the first rules I teach is to speak slowly and leave gaps.

You see the thing you’re looking for early in a pickup is the stack. The thing that takes you from the open to the conversation. Often you have to provide the stack yourself.

So this is infield from one of my recent coaching clients which he was happy for me to share with you. Take a look at how in his first day with me I worked on his pacing and speech and take a look at the difference it made.


1 – The first set, as you can see, he talks far too quickly. He blasts her with too much adulation, too many ‘y’knows’ and most importantly he gave her no chance of having a conversation. He loses her at 00:15.

2 – This set is, though still not perfect, is much better. He may still over egg the compliment but his words are not raining down on her like hail stones. He gives her brain a moment relax and she invites him into conversation at 00:56. This set goes on for about ten minutes longer than I edited here.

3 – This final one he gets even better still. Check out the beautiful long pause around 1:38. She fills the pause by actually giving him the stack: ‘I like fresh fruit’. He then goes into cartooning her, characterising her as the girl who loves all fruit whiile she giggles along. Again, this set goes on for ten minutes longer than I edited here.

Just by slowing it down, he gives everyone time to think and the girls do his work for him. In the third set he is presented with the ideal opportunity to cartoon his target. You get a girl to buy into your playful characterisation and you’re well on your way to building that tender, playful, intimate connnection that you can then carry in to your text  conversation. Your texts are not mechanical, administrative messages to arrange a meet – they are a continuation of your fun bond and intimate experience.

It’s the pacing and the pauses that won him these later sets and one step closer to admirable game.

Triumph and Disaster in Belgrade – Part One

Well, it has been an eventful few days so far in Belgrade. And completely non eventful.

The first news is that it appears my girl has flown. No joke, it’s over. She sent me a very clear message on What’s App to the effect that things are over and has since ceased all communication. I am not sure what could have triggered this event, but there’s not much I can do about it at the moment. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I am just not the guy for her. She is a beautiful, generous, loving, one in a million vulnerable spirit – and I am this guy. Rough around the edges to say it mildly and a pickup artist to boot. It’s hardly dinner party conversation with the in laws.

Father in Law: ‘I saw your latest infield Jimmy. She had an amazing pair of hooters, I’d put her at a high 8, and I loved it when you told her you’d take her from behind in the shower. I reckon you were on for a same day lay’.

Jimmy (mouth full of potato dauphinoise); ‘Thanks pa’.

Did I really think it would work? Well yes I did. It’s not like I am banging other women, just writing and coaching. Half the time I am not even writing about skirt, I’m rabbiting on about Socialism or compound interest. I would have given it all up for her, in my own time. It will sting for a while but what will be will be.

Dinner at the Jambones': 'My son-in-law's escalation technique is top drawer and I will fight the man who denies this'.

Dinner at the Jambones’: ‘My son-in-law’s escalation technique is top drawer and I will fight the man who denies this’.

We’re currently suffering our third straight day of rain. We’re holed up in Snezana, our favourite coffee shop, tip tapping away on our laptops and sipping coffees. I have just finished reading ‘The Communist Manifesto’ and I am about to read my book, Thomas Sowell’s ‘A Conflict of Visions’.

Our boredom was alleviated by a chance meet up with Irish does Asia, two days ago. This is the perfect example of why I have this blog. We could have been bored, but we made new friends, sank coffees in the rain, then beers, then cocktails and in the absence of favourable skirt chasing conditions we simply passed the time in ‘beer swilling hoon’ mode.

Irish flew to Romania today, but hopefully he’s coming back to join us for the tail end of our trip in Belgrade and Zagreb next week.

In the meantime, we’re stuck in the rain. The rain kills the day off, even when it stops people stay away, not sure if it will start again, or they are all cozy in their homes and decide to stay in for the day. At night, after a sunny day, the streets are awesome, warm and sultry and full of people in a party mood. After the rainy day, it’s cold and wintry and quiet.

I am hoping we can end the trip with two weeks in the sunshine in Zagreb, sitting by Lake Jarun.

Anyway, here’s an infield. I won’t put it on my static page because the girl isn’t so great, but the cam worked, the audio worked, the footage is good and there’s some good technique in this pickup so it has a minor role in the theatre of Jim.