Jimmy Jambone's Blog

Poland – The quest to regain F Town

It’s been a long time since I was F Town. Actually – last New Year. If you look at the rolls of honour, I was the original F Town and for a long time it was me leading Krauser I think.

Those were the old days. The battle for F Town is now firmly between Krauser and Robusto err I mean, Burto, but you can never rule this old dog out. I know if I spend a week somewhere focussing on game, I WILL get laid.

In my defence, last year I gave an easy lay to Lee when we were in Latvia (see F Town Moran (Latvia) 13th Feb ’11 (80′s Princess Di) – 48 hour reign) and I was just beaten by bad luck in Oslo – borne out by the fact that one of the targets actually turned up this New Year and opportune me not my first ever threesome, but my second ever threesome.

So desperate have I been to get F Town back, that last year I convoluted a trip to France to fuck a new target for the first time. To get a position where you’re taking a girl to France, on a third date, before you’ve even had sex, without making it seem like you want a relationship, takes some finagling and framing. I went through it all only to lose my self control and fuck her in a coffee shop in the UK the day before we went.

So the actually F Town had eluded me. And with every change of hands my name slips further back on the roll of honour.

So as you can probably tell, the RSG boys take F Town FAR too seriously but this is understandable because it is the NUMBER ONE MOST PRESTIGIOUS COMPETITION AND TITLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD – EVER. It goes like this:

1) F Town

2) FIFA World Cup

3) Olympics

So when Lee suggested a week in POLAND to visit our buddy Sam, I was booked before you could say ‘it’s coming home’. Krauser and Burto were in South America battling it out between each other but there was a fair amount of whoring and that doesn’t count as F Town.

It has to be a new lay sealed for the first time outside your country of residence. It doesn’t have to come from a cold approach, it can even be a girlfriend you take on holiday, but you can’t pay for sex (whore) and if you are on a trip where you are working then it’s void because working somewhere makes it your country of residence.

I fancied I could nip in and snatch it back while they weren’t even expecting it. Sure, Lee would be dangerous and I would have to keep my eye on him but with the wind in my sails and God* on my side, I would be F Town again.

And there is a decent story to come from this trip – so bear with me.

Learning Point One – Don’t go to Poland in February when it’s -20.

It wasn’t the greatest of starts. The second the plane landed and all the Polish people started putting 20 layers on, we knew something was up. Lee and I got up from our seats, put our simple London coats on and this Polish dude was staring at us smiling. I looked at him and laughed nervously and he said, muffled from underneath his big hat, ‘I hope you enjoy Poland’.

The thing is about the cold like that – you don’t notice it immediately. It feels OK. It takes time I think for your body temperature to start to drop, degree by painful degree. So for those initial 3 minutes you feel alright, but after that … you’re a struggling wreck. We realised by the time we turned up to Sam’s pad we were in trouble. It was far colder than the doomed trip to Latvia in February last year.

The first night we spent drinking and eating in a cool pub (and very warm) over the road from Sam’s.  We were in high spirits. The beer and the food were in plentiful supply and cheap as chips. We got stuffed, sozzled and by midnight we went to bed.

Sam neglected to tell us that his apartment has no central heating. He’d gone and bought himself a little heater to fill his room. But the spare room. No. It had no heating. Or even a duvet.

So the first night was spent with Lee on a barren bed sleeping in our clothes and jackets and waking up every hour in the freezing cold.

Learning Point Two – Poland is target rich.

We spent two Godforsaken days in Sam’s freezing cold flat. It was miserable. We’d go out and about during the day but it was uncomfortable.

The biggest pain was that there were hot girls everywhere. Mostly high 7s and 8s. Not like Croatia, not lots of 9s. But lots of 8s.

I got several IOIS and approach invitations in the street off genuinely hot girls walking past me and some genuine stunners. I mean even 9s would give me real approach invitations from time to time. I’d say three or four times a day I’d get double takes, scans up and down or just smiling and staring. However, when you’re in the extreme cold like that you just can’t stop and chat and you don’t even want to.

Bear in mind they are all used to it and dressed for it. I was wearing Converse on my feet, jeans, a shirt and a jacket. So I did no street game, not one single street open. There was not much happening in bar game since the bars were largely empty and we were staying in an ice bucket. We were constantly cold.

At the end of the second day we had to make a change and Sam stepped in:

‘Right guys, here’s what we will do, It’s Saturday tomorrow. I know a chick in Warsaw who runs a night at a top club, blah blah blah, nice apartment there, party blah blah’.

So we spent a second night in the fridge (only this time we had blankets) and the next day we went to Warsaw.

 

Learning Point Three – Never rely on a 22 year old.

We went to Warsaw ahead of Sam. He said that he’d come and meet us a couple of hours later. When we arrived we realised that Warsaw was COLDER that Lodz and I mean significantly colder. We walked from the train station to the nearest hotel in about 3 minutes. Three minutes was enough. We knew as soon as we got in the hotel that we would never leave, which didn’t matter since Sam texted us and said he couldn’t meet us in Warsaw since he ‘had a problem’. In truth, he just decided he didn’t want to come and got drunk at his girlfriends instead. Pretty low value behaviour, but there are men and there are boys. I shouldn’t have put any stock in what he had to tell me.

So we’d basically come to Warsaw to stay a night in a hotel for a night for no reason. It actually didn’t matter because we were happy enough just to be finally warm, for the first time in 2 days.

We went to the casino, flirted with the only women we could find, the casino prostitutes and we started to talk about inventing B Town. IE throwing in the towel and visiting a local brothel. I have never done it before but there’s obviously been a lot of talk about it lately and really I just fancied it. Lee called a load of hookers from some web-site but he spent so much time umming and ahhhhing with them some of them even put the phone down on him.

We literally couldn’t get laid in a brothel.

 

Learning Point Four – Hostels are a flowing river of targets

We woke up on Sunday morning. 3 days into our trip and so far we’d just wasted money and time. So we made a decision:

We can’t stay in Warsaw. Let’s get back to Lodz. It’s freezing cold but it’s a damned sight warmer than Warsaw! We’re not staying at Sam’s. He’s a cunt and his flat is an ice bucket. Let’s get a fucking hostel and hope there are other people and if so then we fuck the girls in the hostel.

Tally ho. That’s what we did. Back to Lodz where we booked into a hostel on the main street, right next to our favourite restaurant and a bar for a convenient bounce location (so we didn’t have to walk far in the cold) and we settled in.

We didn’t know it, but things were about to look up.

* Doesn’t exist