Well my ‘summer’ holiday may well have begun on the 6th of March when my contract in Bolton finished, but nobody told Zagreb. It’s still winter here. I’ve been here almost a week and approached just two girls. I wouldn’t say it’s freezing, but it’s uncomfortably cold in the street, scarves and hats time. It did seem to get warmer today and I am told next week is going to be sunny, so I’ll get some sets filmed just so I can use my new jingle for the first time. Went out today but Sundays in Zagreb are deader than you can believe.
I’m not too upset about the weather, I have the whole summer ahead of me so whatever happens on this little trip happens. I have been spending lots of time with the girlfriend Jolia, which is the main reason I am here really. She’s such a great girl, if all men were like me and all women were like her, it would be a much better world I tell you. It’s you lot who ruin it for us. I don’t know why I talk to you, I really don’t.
I’ll tell you a little about her, she comes in my apartment and disappears, I go to look for her and she is doing my washing up. This is an extremely beautiful, educated, confident young woman, she’s no quiet, meek wallflower. So why does she do my washing up? She does it just because she cares about me and wants to make my environment as best it can be.
I don’t want her cleaning up after me and I don’t like it when she does, but I also love it. It’s one of her many ways of telling me she loves me.
I look at some of my friends with their English women. Their women brag about how they do no housework whatsoever. They treat their men like shit. They have no pride in being a loving woman. When I see Jolia looking after me, I fall in love with her a bit more every single time.
Fuck me, we’ve had a laugh, me and her. She’s realized now that my lifestyle was less ‘cheerful free-wheeling ladies man, stopping the odd pretty girl on the street’ and slightly more leaning towards ‘industrial level, seduction-as-a-science fully committed 24-7 professional’. She’s taking it all in her stride bless her, but when she found Bojangle’s book on my bedside cabinet, fuck me her eyes nearly popped out of her head reading it. ‘Is this Ash?’, she kept saying. She doesn’t swear ever, so she’d read passages from the book, wide eyed, ‘Ash is saying, ahem, you should BEEP her like she’s your last.’
I just have to say ‘Did he? Oh… he’s such a card that one, it’s probably just a typo’.
It’s a good book for a starter, he’s targeted it at Indians but it’s a great little book for a newbie. It looks like I have a new protege here in Zagreb, a kid call Pete. He’s 20 and hopeless with chicks. By the time I have finished with him he’ll be unrecognizable. I might leave him with Bo’s book when I go home, it’ll be a good little quick starter for him.
I call it ‘Bojangles book’ but I think he owes me some royalties the cheeky twat. There are a few sections where I can hear old Jimmy talking. I think he’s had a tape recorder on me at times.
So anyway, looks like the girl is OK with me having a bit of sport on the side, as long as I’m not actually chasing anyone or obviously actually fucking anyone, and as long as she’s not worried about it then it’s all good, we can have our relationship and I can merrily game away and have my little boring blog, bore you guys to death. That was a conversation I wanted to get out of the way with her, a bit of a weight of my mind.
So in the meantime, I’ve gone half deaf in one ear and deaf with incredibly loud tinnitus in the other, so if anyone has any tips on this let me know. It’s a loud whistling in F sharp (I know this ’cause I sang and played guitar along to it, my tinnitus is definitely in F sharp) and a low hum about two octaves lower. And it is in harmony, if I could get a drum track installed below the top line then to be honest, It would be no problem, I’d be rocking all day long. Other great songs in the key of F Sharp include ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ and ‘Ode To Joy’. So there you go, yet more proof that I am a big time rock star. Probably as much or even more than Mick Jagger.
I don’t know why I get deaf when I come here. I seriously think it must be my brain preparing for all the time I am going to spend with women. Even with Jolia, I have to zone out sometimes, just nod my head and say ‘yeah I agree’.
I got her the other day with a great little bit of banter, I was snoozing on the settee and she woke me, I was just with it enough to feign alarm and say ‘Wha.. what… uh.. I agree, I agree, you’re right’. Ha ha, she loved it. Now I keep pretending to be asleep and when she ‘wakes me’, I pull the same stunt. She falls for it every single time. These little moments of banter are one of the great things about relationships. You do lose sexual variety but there are gains and love is a fair gain. As long as I can continue to hunt, I may have it made here. I can handle never getting any more notches, but take the hunt away from me, that would be tough, at least for a few more years. I like to know I can pick up girls like picking apples off trees.
Anyway, before I sign off, I have a good example of value management in What’s App (or any) chats, dead simple. Let me give you the background.
Meet Dita, a girl I picked up last time I was here with MattC or whatever he’s called these days. The Sundance Kid. There’s no way I’m typing that every time I have to reference him. We’ve been out a couple of times Dita and I, nothing major, I’ve just been keeping my value high and leaving her bubbling on the stove. It’s nice having girls of this quality on my periphery. Keeps Jolia on her toes, keeps her off the chocolate.
It’s so easy to keep the stove bubbling away. Meet for a coffee occasionally, drop a few DHVs from time to time.
Anyway, it was interesting, she’d messaged me and I’d left it a few days to get back, not for any reason, just absent mindedness. So she tried to bait me by saying ‘Oh I was going to take you for dinner, but I guess you missed out.
All I said was, ‘Oh I was busy, I cooked my paella last night, for seven people’.
Well that was it, tables turned. It’s like dealing with kids, talking to skirt. They try to get their frame on you and you just have to not fall in. Best way to do this is just have 5 or 6 you’re talking to. At the moment I have a girlfriend, but Matea, Dita, Mouse and Carrot on my roster.
When you can afford to lose a few it’s so much easier to keep a strong frame. I can afford to lose a few. I don’t want to, they’re nice girls, but I have to lose a few from time to time or I don’t have space for any new ones.
Talking about Carrot, she and Jolia came face to face the other night while we were out. Ooh, it was like a scene from Dallas, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, man it was funny. It’s a story for another time. It was very polite but I’m glad I’m deaf and I don’t speak Croatian.
So I’m going to leave you guys with Steely Dan to play us out, they’re playing right now in my iTunes so if you click it quickly, we can rock out together. It’s not in F sharp so it sounds a bit dischordant to me, but it’s a good one.
Hopefully a little infield with a jingle for the next post.