I initially envisaged the subject of this post as a chapter of a book I would write one day. I never wanted to post it as a blog and ‘blow’ the material but I keep seeing things that make me want to address this and finally a conversation last week forced my hand. I also haven’t fully pulled together my thoughts on this, it’s not 100% there yet, still a bit raw.
I asked a student to describe what would be a girl he could really want to get with – outside of external beauty. He told me he was looking for the following:
“She’d be from a really good background. Not necessarily rich, but a financially secure and respectable family, she’d have good parents and strong family values. She’d be well educated and probably privately schooled, but while she would be pursuing her own career or hobbies they would not be something that she is ‘passionate’ about. She’d be passionate about her relationships, her husband and children. She would be very discriminating in the company she keeps and certainly she won’t have slept around”.
A few hours later he then told me a story about how he met exactly one of these unicorns not too long ago and how he’d tried to escalate her in the middle a shopping centre. He told me how she was ‘super into it’, they went for coffee, he got her talking about sex in Starbucks… but he couldn’t get her home and she never returned his calls.
He can’t understand why she flaked. He thinks his mistake was everything from escalating too much, escalating too little, losing the frame by going to her choice of coffee shop. He thinks if only he had stuck with her and continued his game, she’d have finally ‘cracked’.
I think his mistake is thinking that K selected skirt respond to R selected pickup.
A quick whistle stop history of pickup
Mystery writes the Mystery Method. It’s a truly excellent discussion on how skirt responds to players. However, Mystery targets largely r selected targets in clubs and bars. While his engine is appropriate for all targets – the routines he develops for himself to reflect that engine are largely r leaning routines.
Style then writes The Game, chock full of these R based routines and very little ‘engine’. Everyone reads The Game, but they don’t read the Mystery Method (because they’re lazy, looking for quick wins. No need to think when they have routines).
A swathe of creepy wannabe PUAs think that pickup is these r based routines to pick up r selected skirt in bars. They learn these routines and they get success with generally low value, but at times hot, r selected targets in bars. They are confused when top quality skirt doesn’t respond to ‘pickup’. They dismiss it as, ‘they are simply harder to get, I need to get my game tighter’.
They don’t. They just require someone who is more than just a furry top hat. Or maybe with some girls, you need too leave the furry hat at home?
Because so many guys in pickup are those who only got success when they learnt pickup, (which by now includes a tsunami of low value guys with R based routines scoring low value girls), this belief has festered that all girls respond to R selected behaviour. If you just get good enough at the R stuff, there’s enough slut in every skirt that will eventually crack under the brilliance of your douche-baggery.
This is simply because they don’t have any successes that came naturally. Their evidence base is simply that R works. Until they learnt R, they got nothing. Now they’re getting something. So R is king. It’s unthinkable that it’s only part of the story.
They also get this idea that all skirt want alphas. Which is true, they largely do. But being alpha and being R selected are not the same thing.
The Slut Spectrum
Low Slut/K Selected <———> High Slut/r Selected
In my youth I knew that some targets responded to me acting like Keith Richards and I knew what type it was. The high Slut girls responded to danger behaviour. I didn’t know this had anything to do with R selection. That came 10 years later. I didn’t even call it a slut spectrum. That came years later too. More it was just a vague truth that I instinctively knew.
I also knew that some targets, while they liked the bad boy stuff, it wasn’t enough alone and too much of it turned them off. They wanted reliable winners. These were the low Slut targets. Generally, the lower the S, the much higher the quality.
Man I super hyper escalated that set. Did you see her eyes spinning.
On a slightly related issue, I’ve also seen many instances of guys in pickup getting obsessed with this idea of quick pickups, street kiss closes, same day lays and street stops where you get the target hyper escalated and talking about sex there and then at the bus stop.
I am dubious as to the value of all this rapid seduction hysteria. It’s said often by people who, for one reason or another, don’t understand what they are talking about. Guys who are learned seducers simply don’t have that background of guys with natural ability, so they only see things through the lens of R based pickup routines. They never got a girl by just going for a coffee with them.
Yes, it can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Without a doubt it can happen. High slut, highly R selected skirt will same day lay you. But before you plough in with super duper hyper escalation two minutes after meeting them, you could actually practice some game and work out where she is at on the slut spectrum. Then use the correct tool for the job. I saw a blind man score a bulls-eye at darts once. That doesn’t mean that I am going to wear a blindfold every time I play darts. More often than not I see rapid escalation fail. It’s rare when it does happen and it’s often done by guys at the top of their game or the quality of the girl is low, in looks often and always in manners. In fact, the only SDLs off street game I know of that have been with hot girls, girls above a 7, have been ones I have done myself and in hindsight, both girls were marginally unstable; both were from shaky family backgrounds, R selected.
In my humble experience rapid escalations generally get you nowhere and when they do, it’s with poor quality skirt. Escalation is crucially important when dealing with skirt, but don’t start thinking there is a secret where you can escalate your way out of the hard work of being a quality man. You can’t. Not with top drawer skirt. Escalation is important, but it’s like putting saffron into a paella. Pile it in and you just ruin it.
So let’s not get bogged down with stories of ‘yes but I knew this one guy one time who same day laid a virgin princess in less than ten minutes on a nighclub dance-floor’. There will always be some thin end of the wedge events accomplished by the super human love child of Steve Jabba and Ryan Reynolds when the moon was in ascendancy with leaping unicorns. I am not interested in those. I am interested in normal guys like us in the real world every day. I care about you getting genuine success in life. If you’re not the love child of Steve Jabba and Ryan Reynolds and you can’t see leaping unicorns, then take it all with a pinch of salt and accept that at some point you’re going to have to do the hard work.
The way I saw it in my youth was that skirt places along a ‘Slut Spectrum’. Some targets are very high S [slut] and some are very low S. Where they place on the Slut Spectrum correlates to many things, such as including how they have been raised. One key observation I have made in the last few years is that where they place on the slut spectrum pretty much equates to where they place on the r/K spectrum?
Basically high S is high r and low S is low r.
Quality chooses quality
With expanding Democratic Socialism comes booming R selection. If you don’t understand this, let me know and I’ll post a bit more about it. The fiat currency illusion of unlimited resources and the Marxist destruction of the family unit has led us to a situation where K selected skirt is simply as rare as a Karl Marx payslip. That means… well, very rare.
If you meet a genuinely top quality target, an Audrey Hepburn in the modern day, then she is very unlikely to be high S or r selected. If she is intelligent and well turned out, well spoken, trustworthy, feminine and clean living then she is likely from a good family background. She’ll be high K.
Yes, she’ll respond to a bad boy. Most skirt does to some degree. But she’ll respond more to a good man. Get the balance right.
(When I say quality I mean in looks and manners. When it comes to game, I assume you know we’re talking about beauty. That’s a given. It’s not game if it’s below an 8. So when I talk about ‘quality women’ on this blog, I am talking about their manners).
K selection leans towards things like… clean living, long term planning, strong family bonds and perceiving value in quality. R selection leans towards the opposite… living wild, short term focus, weak family bonds, no necessity for quality.
Look at the below and see why.
|Rabbits (R Selected)||Wolves (K Selected)|
|Clean Living||They don’t live long. It could all be over in a moment when the fox comes. They live in the moment.||They have to look after themselves. They have to stay alive to hunt and raise their young properly. They necessarily must look after themselves.|
|Planning||Small amygdala. Short life span, high predation, abundance of resources (grass will never run out). No need or capability for long term planning||Larger amygdala. Longer life span. They are predators so they have to earn their food. It doesn’t literally grow on trees. They have to not have too many children. Food is scarce.|
|Family||Low investment in children. They have many and at an early age too since they get eaten. They don’t put much investment in rearing since all they have to learn is how to run and chew.||High investment in children. They have less so they have to put more effort into protecting and preparing them. They have to teach them how to hunt. Children and mating are serious decisions for the K selected.|
|Quality||Rabbits don’t compete for resources. Grass is everywhere. A quality mate doesn’t matter. Just need a pulse.||Wolves see the value in quality. A quality wolf wins out over a shabby one. A better hunter, more intelligent. The female wolf picks a quality mate.|
Here I am, 37 years old. At my peak. Cash in the bank. Intellectually, financially and almost geographically free. I can score well paid contracts on a whim now. I’ve never been as happy, confident or looked as good as I do today. I get checked out in the street every single day by hot young targets when I am walking around the street in my work suit. I have the means and the know how to spend the rest of my days single, not working very much, loaded and with an abundance of skirt.
This is it. My peak. Jimmy’s engine is running hot.
And what am I going to do? Well, I really think I am about to turn my back on it. I am probably actually going to have children with my girlfriend. That will cost me all my money, I’ll have to get full time work and save up for private schools – for two kids. I’ll be like Clarke Kent when he disposes of his superman powers to be with Lois. No it will be worse. I’ll still have the powers but will just ignore them.
The reasons I will do this don’t matter here and now, but I think I’ll have to write about it at some point. My reasons for pair bonding are important and I think they should be discussed. All you have to understand is this; she clearly must be something special if I am willing to turn my back on bachelor paradise and expose myself to a future of obligation and stress.
She is extremely highly K selected. The last three girls I dated have all been very high quality and K selected. To get these girls I had to use K selected pickup to build that connection and prove myself. And it took TIME. R selected high fives and douche-baggery would simply not work with these girls. Had I escalated JJ in the first two minutes and gone for the kiss close, I am telling you, Carey Grant himself would be unable to pull this off.
So you have to attune yourself to working out where a target sits on the slut spectrum and model your game accordingly. There are ways to do this, but I am definitely saving that for the book. I have 200 pages now boys. Quarter of the way there.
Anyway, to round off, what I am saying is this; if you have found a unicorn, it is possibly K selected. So maybe, just maybe, hold off for a moment, don’t be an amateur and try to remove her knickers after 3 minutes in Starbucks. The top drawer seducer strikes when he knows what his target wants.
Half way through reading this post and by the sounds of it you are talking about lack of calibration and social intuitiveness by guys, not able to grasp you can’t play the same cards with every girl and expect the same outcome every time.
Calibration and knowing how to play each set is a skill that took me over 2 years to master.
I admit sometimes I still get it wrong but for the majority of situations I get the balance just right.
But it’s a nice feeling finally understanding which moves to play, almost thinking 2 steps ahead of her.
I remember the first sign of poor calibration was back in 2008-2010 when guys were simply applying nightgame tactics during the day and calling it successful daygame. I once saw a guy recently twirl a girl 3 times in under a minute and then do numerous high5’s with her before “number closing her” in a busy shopping centre.
I remember thinking this guy is delusional. Almost robotic as I could see his brain thinking, okay, you have done some light kino (hi 5) now slowly amp it up to a hug! Almost like a checklist.
I felt like I was watching a cheesy American pickup video in front of my eyes.
But yeah that kind of behaviour gives pickup a bad rep. Guys not knowing what tools to use and what tools/techniques to leave in the old cupboard.
I’ve played the pendulum of game on both extremes of the spectrum getting lays within 10 minutes of meeting through rapid escalation BUT as you rightfully point out Jimmy, what guys need to understand is, if you go down the superfast escalation route/flash game (which I don’t recommend esp. during the day) then understand when she walks away, expect her not to be in touch. You have to think of it from her point of view. A guy that comes up and rapidly escalates (most likely missing genuine rapport) will cause her to think afterwards; Apart from the entertainment he provided me, I actually know nothing really about him and that will almost always lead to a flake. I’m surprised guys think otherwise.
I could talk about this topic for hours but I will stop now 🙂
PS: Jimmy you nailed it on the head when you said “…but don’t start thinking there is a secret where you can escalate your way out of the hard work of being a quality man. You can’t.”
the best thing about this post is that it assumes that good girls do exist. at some point, this inspiring and optimistic belief got lost in the manosphere, and the conventional thinking became, if you think you found a good girl, then you are a fool, and if you weren’t able to close her, then you didn’t swing your dick enough, you weren’t sexual enough, you were too nice.
it’s interesting how you and yohami are both arguing against daygame, but from almost exact opposite points of view.
Does Yohami still blog? I thought he’d stopped.
his blog is gone, but he was commenting on my blog, now he is commenting on nash’s blog:
jimmy, here is yohami’s anti-daygame manifesto: